Judgment on top of judgment

So I'm sitting with my sisters and mother in the hospital, waiting to visit my dad again, and they start complaining about the nurses and the way things are done (actually not done), and I'm not getting into this topic of conversation because Andries and I don't usually beat those drums, and so what do I do?

Just to relieve the discomfort and boredom, I started appreciating the painting on the wall, and that helped a lot until they moved on to another topic, but it didn't improve either my own judgment about them practicing indignation and their habit of creating problems and blowing them up to gargantuan proportions. Eww, that sounds kind of a negative judgment, doesn't it? So it worked in the moment, but it didn't improve my habitual opinion of them or really make me feel better about their future behavior and the enjoyability of conversation with them.

Later on, Andries and I are discussing what would work better in this situation, and I realized that what I really want is for them to feel good about what the nurses do, to appreciate and allow the hospital staff to be competent, caring, and effective. Looking at my past experience with them and my feelings about them, I didn't think I could reasonably expect that. So, instead of trying to avoid it or change them, I could at least look for a better-feeling thought about what they do.

I realized that their actual desire is for my father to get better, to be like he was before, and there's nothing they can do to make sure that happens. So complaining and finding fault and actually just makes them feel like they're doing something for my dad. It seems like a lot of resistance, but actually they are trying to put themselves in a better place and feel more powerful. And when I found that thought, I felt immediate relief. Now I can hear them complain and feel good about them taking some power back. And if this thought feels better for a while and then stops feeling so good, I can find another. And now I know I will.

I realized long ago that judging other peoples judgments (negativity) doesn't work at all in the direction I'm intending for my life, and little by little, I find those areas and turn them around until they feel better. I makes me easier on myself, too, when I'm not being who I know I can be.